It has been a wile since I have written anything about nursing in my blog. December 23rd to be exact.
Ive been in a funk lately with nursing. I was burnt out in January from working a ton of overtime in December nod early January so I was looking forward to my vacation and 13 days away from work. However, the last day of vacation I found out one of the patients I became very close to who happened to also be my neighbor passed away while I was on vacation. I had a hard time accepting this, knowing I never said goodbye. I still have a hard time thinking about him because he taught me a lot. This kid went through hell and I mean hell in the little over a year he spent at the hospital but he never gave up. There were times he could barely sit up but would still want to play Klerplunk with me or color or just press the buttons on our watches that lit up. Best present I ever bought someone was his light up watch. He kept that thing on al the time, even in his CT scans.
Since then, I have been in this funk. I was in this funk when L died on me at Henry Ford. It took a new job to get me out of that funk. I can't run again though. That is not the answer to death. The fact of the matter is, these patients will come and go. It is up to me to be able to deal with that and move on from it and stop getting into a funk. But I have a heart. My heart is often too big for my own good. I just have to learn to love with my heart but don't let that love linger. Share it and care, but don't give it and let it run away.
I won't leave this job but I think I need a change. Maybe 6 weeks of travel nursing is what I need. New culture, positivity, new patient population. I can keep my current job just go down on hours and come home for one weekend and work during those 6 weeks away.
