Angels watching over

Payton (my camper from my second year if you don't know her) has continued to look over me since the day I met her.  

Last night I had a patient with Ewings Sarcoma, the same cancer she had.  I was terrified of having to take care of the patient because I thought I would be recalling memories and start to get sad thinking about it.  It was the complete opposite of sadness.  I was filled with so much joy, happiness, and compassion because this patient was her twin.  The maturity and faith in god that a young child had just overpowered any feeling of sadness that I had.  You could tell time is short but he did not care, he is ready to just live life everyday, just like Payton did.  Before I left for the night he told me, "Im sorry I was mean to you.  Cancer not only destroys my body but it hurts people I love because I am not the same.  God knows that Im a nice boy when I don't have cancer and I hope you believe him." 

These kids don't ask to be diagnosed with cancer.  They do not deserve to have to battle life this hard at such a young age.  However, they never ever give up and show us that a headache or lack of sleep is nothing compared to what they go through.

It is crazy how God put Payton into my life years ago and she still continues to help me touch others and life by the belief in my faith everyday.  

A mothers' love

A lot of people refer to women's hearts and actions as a mothers' touch and that women naturally have that instinct.  However, I have seen enough to prove that not all women have a mothers' touch.  I am so baffled at the women who have children and do not care about them.  Sure everyone has a story and I do not know all the details, just what is passed on through progress notes and report, but come on.  If you have a child, they become your priority.  Why would you not call and check up on them?

A recent situation with a baby has really had me excited to get a foster care license.  I wish I had one now because I would bring this little nugget home next week.  He is a newborn and has nowhere to go because mom had him and hasn't been back since.  He is perfect.  No one has really held him a lot or spoiled him so he barely cries.  He eats, sleeps, poops, and pees.  That is it.  Who could abandon that?  The other night we watched NY Med and he just stared at me and smiled.  It truly gave me baby fever.  I could not stop snuggling him.  I made sure to tell him how cute he was all night, how much I had fallen in love with him, and that he will always be in someones thoughts and prayers because I will never forget him.

Nights like these make me never want to leave pediatrics because of the joy and happiness I have looking down at them.  24 hours later it makes me upset and second guessing if I could do this every day of my life for the next 40 or so years.  Nursing is a tough profession and not all people respect it, they think its just 3 12 hour shifts and 4 days off.  Nursing is constant.  24-7.  I have thought about my lil nugget everyday that I have been off this week.  I worry.  I often think.  What if?  Why?  How?

I guess that is just a mothers' love instinct that I was born with and I am so happy to be able to share it with those who do not experience it.