More than just a patient

I have taken care of a little guy numerous times over the past year and there is something about this little one that captures my heart.  His mom has numerous little ones at home and when he's at the hospital no one calls to check on him or come see him for the month that he ends up being there.  So every time I go into work (three times a week) I make sure to spend time with him and teach him things.

So far he knows 8 words and can pound it to the nurses when we walk by.  The other day as soon as he saw me enter the room he yelled MEGANNN KISSSES and opened his mouth wide to give me a kiss.  We sat in the recliner watching Polar Express and doing learning activities (must be the teacher in me).

If this lil one ever goes into foster care, you can bet your bottom dollar he's coming home with me.  I went Christmas shopping for him the other day and my mom and I picked out some cute pajamas.  I am looking forward to working Christmas Eve to dress him in pajamas and help him open some gifts in the morning.

Sometimes we need to forget about the interventions and take some time to love the patients.  Loving him teaches me that nursing is not a job, it is a passion.  The reward of his kisses and him knowing my name when he sees me at only two years old is the best reward for anything I do.

Compassion or Paycheck

I hate going to the hospital when I am not working.  That being said, today I forced myself to go in as a patient.

My vision was blurry yesterday and I had a really bad headache.  The pain didn't bother me but I was convinced of the worst with the blurry vision.  I let it go and then again today it came back, although I was driving this time.   It lasted 3 hours.  At this time I was convinced I had a brain tumor causing this (we always think of the worst).

I decided to find a ride to the hospital because of the blurry vision.

Check in-the nurse was trying every way to joke with me and I just wasn't in the mood.  Poor guy didn't even get a laugh out of me.  BP 135/95, for me thats high.  Numbness and tingling in my arms. Blurry vision.  Head pain.  Thankfully he sent me to CT since there was an hour wait for a bed and the results would be back by the time the doc came back.

Back in a room-took a medical professional 24 minutes to realize I was in there....at this time I could have been dead if I was seriously ill.  It was the doctor who came in and wanted to know what he could do for me.  Didn't he read my triage note before he came in?  I explained what was wrong and his first thing was you have a migraine.  I questioned it because it wasn't like my normal migraines.  He said well we could get you a CT scan and make sure everything is okay....I told him I already had one and he said theres no way.  Dude, I'm pretty sure I know I just went to CT and almost passed out in the room.  At this point I was irritated....why are you as a doctor not prepared to see your patients?

He also did not even examine me.  Hello, blurry vision, head and neck pain, why aren't we checking for increased ICP, PERRLA, hypertensive crisis, etc?

He wants to know what kind of pain shot I want.  Never once did I complain about pain.  Im allergic to morphine and dilaudid so I can barely take anything for pain, therefore my tolerance is high and I try to get it over it with relaxation breathing.  So now Im thinking he just wants to make me happy and get me out.  I ask for zofran.

The nurse comes in tells me he has zofran for me, doesn't examine me or ask why I am there.  I ask for water and he says it dissolves under your tongue you do not need it.  I insist on water because zofran tastes like chalky strawberry and it was a big deal to get me a dixie cup with a sip of water.

Doc says I have a bad sinus infection causing inflammation which could cause ocular migraines which was what I was having.  I ask if its going to keep happening daily and he says, it shouldn't.  No crap, no one should lose their vision for hours each day.

Discharge planner comes in and asks if she can have my prescriptions filled and that a nurse would be in shortly to discharge me and my prescriptions would be done in 15 minutes.

Finally 45 minutes later I get discharge papers and the nurse does not retake my vitals (my BP was elevated pretty high for me) or even ask if I am feeling any different.

Why do I share this with you?  Because it makes me realize that it takes a special person to be a good nurse.  I am so thankful to work with those special people.  I would love to see some nurses come to Children's Hospital of Michigan and put in one shift there....I am sure they would not come back.  There is little to no time to sit down and Facebook or even go to the bathroom sometimes.

Nursing should be more than a paycheck.

It is a hospital not a hotel

I was reading an article today and it stated this in it, "The entire health field is changing drastically and in a terrible way. Hospitals are being rated with surveys like that of hotels. They are reimbursed on patient satisfaction."  

This is something that I am constantly reminded of on a daily basis at work, and I often wonder why.  Why is the government giving into people instead of holding people accountable for choosing to receive help that they cannot provide for themselves?  

As nurses we bust our butts for 12 hours.  We sometimes go without even a sip of water, but if we do not get a glass of water to our patient within seconds they are giving us a bad satisfaction score.  But did they think about the fact that I have 5 other patients and didn't get to hydrate myself for 12 hours?  Probably not. 

We are scrutinized for having a long wait time.   But did the patient that has a cough think about the trauma that came in after them that passed away after all measures were exhausted?  No.  They only thought about themselves because they walked in the doors first, not the grieving mother and father who just lost their only child.  Decreased satisfaction scores.  

The mother of a patient is mad at the one nurse who was having a bad day that just found out her husband lost her job.  So she gives a bad satisfaction score even though she commented on the great service from many other nurses. 

The hospital is a business but should not be treated like a hotel.   In a hotel everything is the same, people come to relax and having a relaxing time.  In a hospital, it is going to be high stress all around.   Parents and family members are stressed because they cannot stand to see their loved one not feeling good or even dying.  Medical professionals are stressed because of the high demands put on them in busy seasons.  Support staff are stressed because the hospital is being turned around constantly and they have to keep up with the housekeeping and supplies at a fast rate.   

We often do not stop and think about the reason why.  We want to think about ourselves and the satisfaction we are getting even though we do not think about behind the scenes.  Next time you want to scrutinize someone in a hospital, stop and think, are they doing as much as they can for me at this given time.    

Spread the passion

This semester I took on a new challenge.  I decided to accept a position teaching pediatric clinicals.  At first I am sure a lot of people thought that I was too young and inexperienced to teach clinicals to nursing students.  I have only been a pediatric nurse for 1 year and 2 months, and a nurse for only 2 years and 8 months.  However, experience does not always make you the best nurse.

My students commented on the fact that enthusiasm made our clinical one of the best they have experienced in their program.   I agreed with them and shared that you can get your nursing degree and apply for a job and receive a pay check.  You cannot be taught to be enthusiastic about your job.  This is something that comes within your heart.  If you approach a situation enthusiastically, especially in nursing, your patient will feed off of that and their fear will decrease.  If you are enthusiastic about helping others, they will feed off of that and will in turn be positive about teamwork.

The students also commented that they never felt intimidated.  As a newer nurse I have felt intimidated by many nurses.  All intimidation does is create fear in a new nurse and makes them afraid to ask questions.  The nurse who does not ask questions is the nurse who ends up hurting patients.  We need to work together and accept that not every nurse knows everything about their job.  No question is a dumb question and no nurse should feel superior to another.  We all have different strengths in our skills and that is what makes every unit special.

It does not matter if you are inexperienced or experienced, if you have passion you can make a difference!  

Family

"Families are the compass that guides us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter"

I have to say this quote really sums up midnight staff at hospitals.  I was given the opportunity to switch shifts and I thought long and hard about it before I made the decision.  The midnight staff in PICU, ED and 5W, where I most often work welcomed me and I feel that some of them can be considered family.  

Guide.  Many of the staff members guide each other.  We work with critical patients and sometimes you do not always know the answer or are stressed and scared so someone else has to help guide you.  Without that family to help guide you, your job would be over pretty quickly.  

Inspiration.  We are inspiration to each other.  My preceptors on midnights have inspired me to become a kind of nurse I never thought I would be.  I never thought I would want to do ICU because I always had the assumption the patients do not interact and they are sedated.  Well, that is the case with some of them but the amazing thing about that is you have to be on your toes constantly.  You have to critically think a lot when they are that sick.  Then you watch some grow up and spend a year of their life with you.  The senior staff in the PICU has been my inspiration to keep learning and always wanting to be a better nurse.

Comfort. Sometimes you get very close to patients and you need comfort.  Your family doesn't understand, your significant other doesn't understand, your coworkers know exactly what you are going through.  Your boyfriend breaks up with you, your coworkers remind you that you are amazing and they weren't worth it in the first place.  They start to know more about you than your family because you spend odd hours with them.  

I have been away from my midnight families for two weeks and I have to say its tough.  I often think about them and miss the teamwork we had.  Luckily I can see them for 4 hours of my shifts now and if I stay over, even longer!  I love my job and the family I am surrounded by.     

Lessons Learned from a Patient family

I grew very close to a patient whom I had from the beginning of PICU orientation until the last days he spent with us at the hospital.  He went home and his short life here with us ended amongst his family in a place he was comfortable, not with us in the dark dreary hospital.

This was truly the first patient death I have experienced in the year I have been at Children's.  I became friends with his parents online to follow his journey and I kept questioning whether or not it was a good idea.  (The one patient family from HF that I became friends with is truly inspirational, Deb still teaches me things all the time via social media).    It was one of the best things I have done.  I have learned so much from his parents over the time he spent at home and even now after he has become an angel.  You never realize when you are taking care of a patient how much their family can affect you until after you can process what went on.  At the hospital we are always so quick to do our interventions and forget the true lessons learned.  I don't need to be touched by how to string a CVP line, or how to suction a trach, what I need my heart touched by is memories and love.

These parents loved this little boy unconditionally.  They love their family.  Despite all the struggles they never complained, they never failed.  I need to love more unconditionally and not get upset so easily.  I remembered this week when I felt like I was dying myself, that it was only a virus and it was going to pass.  Other people are not so lucky and the virus doesn't pass, it consumes the body and we are just left with a soul.

Angels watching over

Payton (my camper from my second year if you don't know her) has continued to look over me since the day I met her.  

Last night I had a patient with Ewings Sarcoma, the same cancer she had.  I was terrified of having to take care of the patient because I thought I would be recalling memories and start to get sad thinking about it.  It was the complete opposite of sadness.  I was filled with so much joy, happiness, and compassion because this patient was her twin.  The maturity and faith in god that a young child had just overpowered any feeling of sadness that I had.  You could tell time is short but he did not care, he is ready to just live life everyday, just like Payton did.  Before I left for the night he told me, "Im sorry I was mean to you.  Cancer not only destroys my body but it hurts people I love because I am not the same.  God knows that Im a nice boy when I don't have cancer and I hope you believe him." 

These kids don't ask to be diagnosed with cancer.  They do not deserve to have to battle life this hard at such a young age.  However, they never ever give up and show us that a headache or lack of sleep is nothing compared to what they go through.

It is crazy how God put Payton into my life years ago and she still continues to help me touch others and life by the belief in my faith everyday.  

A mothers' love

A lot of people refer to women's hearts and actions as a mothers' touch and that women naturally have that instinct.  However, I have seen enough to prove that not all women have a mothers' touch.  I am so baffled at the women who have children and do not care about them.  Sure everyone has a story and I do not know all the details, just what is passed on through progress notes and report, but come on.  If you have a child, they become your priority.  Why would you not call and check up on them?

A recent situation with a baby has really had me excited to get a foster care license.  I wish I had one now because I would bring this little nugget home next week.  He is a newborn and has nowhere to go because mom had him and hasn't been back since.  He is perfect.  No one has really held him a lot or spoiled him so he barely cries.  He eats, sleeps, poops, and pees.  That is it.  Who could abandon that?  The other night we watched NY Med and he just stared at me and smiled.  It truly gave me baby fever.  I could not stop snuggling him.  I made sure to tell him how cute he was all night, how much I had fallen in love with him, and that he will always be in someones thoughts and prayers because I will never forget him.

Nights like these make me never want to leave pediatrics because of the joy and happiness I have looking down at them.  24 hours later it makes me upset and second guessing if I could do this every day of my life for the next 40 or so years.  Nursing is a tough profession and not all people respect it, they think its just 3 12 hour shifts and 4 days off.  Nursing is constant.  24-7.  I have thought about my lil nugget everyday that I have been off this week.  I worry.  I often think.  What if?  Why?  How?

I guess that is just a mothers' love instinct that I was born with and I am so happy to be able to share it with those who do not experience it.

Ticking Time

Time....it just keeps ticking....

However, my schedule allows me to enjoy so much.  I realize for the second summer in a row I am able to do so much during the week, on weekends, etc because of the nursing schedule.  I am very fortunate that I make my own schedule.   I think back to Monday, I was able to wake up and overlook a lake with a beautiful golf course and network with many people while my family and friends were stuck in buildings working.  

While my friends are all working 9-5 type jobs during the week I am out enjoying the park, the beach, etc.  It is so nice to only have to schedule myself three nights a week which is even better than days because I can still do stuff during the day and work when most people are sleeping.  A nursing schedule is a gift that I will never take for granted.

Working midnights you learn to live on 2-3-4 hours of sleep.  When I am working I do not know what 6 hours of sleep is.  Therefore, it makes it easier to stay up after work and get things done if needed.  

I always dreamed of working heme onc clinic and there is a position available but I don't think I could ever go full time 5 days a week.  I really enjoy the ability to only work 3 nights a week and have 4 days/nights off!!  

I give so many people credit who work 9-5 because they miss out on a lot of events that happen during the days/weeks.  You guys truly are special people.  

Love makes the world go 'round

Last night I walked into a room to talk to a nurse and one of my favorite babies happened to be in there.  I have been with him a large majority of his hospital stay in the NICU and PICU and he has grown on me so much.  I figured him out and when others couldn't get him calmed down and out of his storming episodes I just cuddled and loved him and he was fine for me.  The nurse let me know that his mom hadn't been up there and that it was almost to the point where courts will chose to let him go peacefully.  I became sad because he's going to die in his crib alone....well not alone but what are the chances that the nurse will want to hold him while he passes or even has time for him?

This afternoon I was talking to my friend and told him I am probably going up to work later to hold my lil dude if he is taken off life support today so that he has someone (honestly I would adopt him if he was going to live) and an idea came to me.

Why not start a group of volunteers who is like an on call service that comes and sits with patients when they are passing away that has no family?  I know there are chaplains and clergy but sometimes they cannot be there or they are overwhelmed and budget does not allow them to be.  I would not need any money to fund this, it would just be people like you and I with hearts who care.

I am so overwhelmed already by the amount of people I know that want to help.  You truly are amazing people and I cannot wait to make this big!  It all starts with a thought.....

Good things come to those who wait

I have never been so excited about work in my life.

The past week I only worked 12 hours because the hospital was at a low patient census (not that many patients).  I was kind of sad because I love what I do.  Sometimes if I feel stressed or my family is being negative work is my getaway and every stressor goes away because of the kids.  Kids are amazing...I do not know how anyone could not like them.  Literally, they say anything, they aren't afraid to take risks, and they just light up your world.  So being away from them last week was kind of hard.

Today I took a shower and when I got out I saw my work number on my phone.  My face instantly sunk and I knew I was getting called off for the 8th day in a row....8 days off..yes you would be excited for that vacation, however I normally get 4 days off a week anyways so Im usually ready to go back.  I called them back and sure enough, they don't need me tonight.

I tried to think positive, and have the mentality that I worked hard in the winter and did some extra hours so if I have shorter paychecks in the summer its alright because its nice out and I mise well enjoy the weather and the money is in my savings from the winter.

After dinner I checked my phone and work had called to tell me that our director of the resource pool wanted me to train as a SpecialWorkAssignmentTeam SWAT nurse tonight.  We had this talk back in February and she had told me to get some trauma certification and my Pediatric Advanced Life Support PALS certification so that I could train as SWAT.  I was shocked because I had only been there a few months and SWAT is a big deal.  They help out the whole hospital.  Main focus is the ED where they will do an admission intake on all patients being admitted and transport patients up to the floor and move the flow of traffic in the ED (which is one of my favorite units) but also to go around to all the floors and assist with IV starts when the IV team is gone, or putting NG's down, blood draws, etc.  My kind of  nursing.  So you can imagine I was a bit shocked because I do not have the experience that the other nurses do.

Teamwork  My manager pointed out that teamwork is the key to a great SWAT nurse and that every floor I trained on tried to steal me out of the float pool.  So I took her words of encouragement and got my certifications.  I anticipated in the fall or maybe next spring when we slow down to be trained, but when I got the call tonight my face lit up.

I don't think I can nap tonight before I go in because I am so excited for this opportunity.  I will have some great nurses training me and I look forward to providing CHM staff and patients some wonderful care and teamwork for many many more years to come.

Happy Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day working in a pediatric hospital and as an RN.  Last year I did not work on Mother's Day at Henry Ford.

It started off listening to a mother crying her heart out because her one week old baby had passed away minutes before the holiday.  I am not a biological mother but my heart was sinking in the room next to them.  Who can ever imagine losing a one week old child, let alone any child?  They didn't have any time to get to know her.  

Then a trauma code came in and it ended up being a young girl whose mother was pushing her to get good grades and the girl was depressed asking to see a therapist.  The mother did not believe in it so the girl took a ton of cold medicine to overdose to get her mom's attention.

Two very separate types of patients, but one thing in common.  All children want love.  They are so innocent in this negative world that we need to cherish the moments we have.  Listen to children.  Know they love you despite telling you they hate you.  You never know in a moment when they may be gone and your life is flipped upside down.  

You never forget where you came from, missing p2

Today I got off of work at 11 and decided to head over to Henry Ford to visit my old coworkers.  Ironically driving in I realized it had been seven months exactly since I left Henry Ford for the last time (how I know this is because my grandpa died the day of my last shift at HF).  When I left HF in the fall I had no clue what I was getting myself into.  I was so comfortable at HF and had so many close friends.  I cried the whole way to Oakwood (thats where grandpa was rushed too) and was sad for a few days after.


Today when I drove home, I had tears again.  I couldn't understand why I had tears today because I love my current job and wouldn't trade it for anything.  But then I was reading a post that someone had written to Adrian Payne about Princess Lacey and it is so true:  
I’ve heard it said,
That people come into our lives

For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.


Exactly what P2 did for me.  My coworkers came into my life when I was a new RN.  This was my first real career job and I was starting somewhere unknown.  I developed a close bond with a handful of my coworkers and that will be a bond that I remember forever.  

H taught me how to prank others when they need a laugh (and of course tonight I was trying to figure out how to prank her to let her know I was there).  C taught me that you can be dealt a crap assignment, be charge nurse, and still walk out of there alive in the morning (of course she was ready to kill someone on the phone tonight).  D taught me to never save charting until the last minute.  G taught me SOOO much, but the most important that she taught me was to remember we all have loved ones.  N taught me to always smile and put family first.  S taught me to get sleep before I come in.  F taught me to save potassium because someone will need a replacement.   I was sad after leaving these coworkers tonight but for a different reason; because they helped me become the happy nurse I am today.

I would not love my job if I was bad at it.  My previous coworkers at HF have all taught me how to become a confident, team player.  By utilizing everyones skills, you learn to take care of any situation thrown at you.  

Thank you p2 for building my backbone and helping me to grow <3

Communication

Why do we fail to communicate?

We are too busy

We do not know the answer

We need a break

That family is annoying

They have asked the same question 50 times

Well someone else told me this

She told me that

Fear of the unknown

The list can go on for days, but there is one thing I have learned.  The more you communicate, the easier it is to deal with even the hardest of all parents.  All anyone wants is an idea of what is going on and what the future holds.  Although we may not have all those answers, we are equip with tools to communicate in a manner to help others feel comfortable.  

If you are too busy, let someone know a timeline of when you will be able to communicate back to them.

If you do not know the answer, find it out.  The internet has the answer to everything.  Although it may not be the right answer, it can start to formulate critical thinking and direct you in the way to find out or who to address to inquire and find out information.

We may need a break from stressors.  Communicate why you need to step away, and give a timeline of when you can come back to address needs.

Who cares if someone is annoying.  Although they may be annoying, they are human.  We learn differently and what makes sense to me, might not make sense to you.

The same question may be asked 50 times, and 10 different people may answer it differently each time.  That is why the question is asked so many times.  

Fear of the unknown.  Do not fear what you do not know.  You will figure it out.

Communicate.  Get off Facebook and communicate face to face.  We have lost face to face communication and if the answer is not in our face we are threatened.  

  

Quality of life

After working at Henry Ford in the oncology department becoming depressed with death and watching the suffering I started to change my views on life and death.  This past month I had reaffirmation after what a doctor presented about a case.  I give this doctor all the credit in the world because he did what most cannot do.  

When the body goes without oxygen for a period of time, the brain dies.  That can leave a patient hooked up to life supportive measures for a long time, depending on whether or not they develop infections that post a secondary problem.  Technically you cannot be considered brain dead if you do not have sustained apnea (stopping of breathing).  Sometimes just taking one breath every few minutes is enough to not consider a person "brain dead" even though they have absolutely no other reflex.  

Parents hope for a miracle.  Hell, I would hope for a miracle for anyone, but we must face reality.  

A doctor spoke up.  He let a family know that a child grows.  You must think about your quality of life as well as the childs' quality of life when their whole body is not functioning.  

A little baby or child grows up into a grown adult.  A loved one will have tunnel vision when the cute little one is in front of them.  All they are thinking about is a positive outcome, because why would we ever want a negative one?  While it may be easy to change and bathe a child now, when they are 20 and weigh 150 pounds changing them on your own gets a little bit difficult and causes stress to the caregiver.  

Don't take this as a debbie downer post.  Take this as a lesson, a lesson that life is fragile.  

Know what you want for yourself.  Adults are not the only ones who die.  Sick people are not the only ones who die.  Perfectly healthy newborns die.  The guy who runs 5 marathons a year can die. 

 Death knows no boundaries, it can take us all.  

Therefore we must be advocates for ourselves.  Fill out the paperwork and discuss with your loved ones what you want and keep it handy if needed.  If you want life sustaining measures, make sure your family is up to the challenge it is going to pose to them as your caregiver.  

Think about all avenues before making your decision, and make your decision now.  

ECMO

Talk about a scary situation....walking into a room when there is a patient on ECMO (extracorporeal membrane oxygenation).  For those of you who do not know what this is:  it is a pump that circulates blood through an artificial lung and back into the body for a very ill patient whose heart or lungs cannot adequately work.

My preceptor last month took me into a patients room to see this going on.  A baby, surrounded by machines, lines, drips, and the most patient, smart medical staff there was.

I learned so much from the situations encountered with this patient.  The nurse that was taking care of the baby when I went in was so composed and confident.  I was ready to crap my pants from everything that was going on.  How do you keep it all straight?  A patients body cannot keep them alive so you are relying on these machines to keep them alive.  What if something goes wrong with the machines?

Oh, yep. That happened too, on a daily basis.  Every time there would be clots in this machine and they would have to change the "artificial lung" out the patient could not withstand being taken off the machine for the switch.  Their heart would stop, CPR would begin, drugs would be given.  It took a lot of the staff to help code this patient everyday to keep them alive.

This is where I learned teamwork no matter what your experience is.
For a new person in the ICU, I was even valuable at times (I had to go get a code form so they could write everything down).  Yeah,  I know it does not seem valuable, but I took in the information.  In years to come, it will help me keep a patient alive.

Anticipation is key in these sick patients.  When you anticipate what could go wrong, you are prepared and usually prevent the escalation.  

Describing our Relationship

My topic for my community paper this week is:  What one word can describe your relationships with others that have created the nurse you are today?  You may be surprised at how many of you will have the same characteristics, yet there will be a few that stand out, please choose a handful of words and give insight as to what they mean.

Supportive.  Providing encouragement or emotional help.  Every one of us should provide encouragement to those around us.  We cannot function as a society unless we encourage others to meet their goals.  Life is all about success, but in order to reach success, we must fail and that is when encouragement is needed.  A nurse must be supportive of her patients, the doctors, and the staff.  We must support our patients and their decisions about their medical treatment, even if we do not believe they are making the right choice.  This is particularly hard in the oncology department, especially dealing with family members who have a loved one who is dying.  We must support our doctors and the orders they write, even though we may think they are completely wrong because they do not know the patient like we do.  We must support our staff and coworkers whether we like them or not.  Under one roof we must work together like we love each other and leave our drama at the door because a life is on the line. 

Eye-opening.  Causing one to understand what was not previously known.  We all open each other’s eyes.  No human is identical to another (twins can be identical but they have two different personalities).   This is what helps us shape one another.  We help others see what they cannot see about themselves and experiences.  A nurse must open their patients’ eyes and help to educate them on what is best in their health.  It may take a few nurses to do this to some patients who have a lifestyle they are used to but with persistence we can help to get through to our patients. 

Powerful.  Having great power or strength.  Impactful.  Having a major impact or effect.  We may not appear to be the strongest person, but let me tell you, this 105-pound girl can lift a patient pretty well.  Okay, that is not the only power you need as a nurse.  We must have the power to stand up for our patients and ourselves.  It is our job to make an impact on the health world.  It is powerful when a nurse questions a doctor, but it is even more powerful to question that doctor to help a patient.  It is a nasty world out there in nursing at times and we must have the power to stand up for ourselves because nurses eat their young.  We have the power to impact a life, and we must seize that opportunity.  Who knows if our power is one that stops an addiction or starts a change?

Hysterical.  Uncontrollable emotion.  You must be hysterical if you ever think you are going to be a nurse until you retire.  There are so many stressful moments that you must release it with humor.  Whether it be stuffing your cheeks with marshmallows and saying chubby bunny until you laugh so hard you spit them everywhere or talking about c-diff at the dinner table.  We have a different sense of personal space or boundaries when it comes to nursing humor.  We often forget that our family members do not want to hear about the blood tinged sputum we had to scoop up and send to the lab while eating fries and ketchup.  However, it makes us who we are and it helps us get through the rough times. 

Serendipitous.  Discovered by chance.  We have a family, but friends are discovered by chance.  We need those serendipitous relationships.  We need more than family.  A person cannot achieve their goals with family alone.  A professor, a study buddy, the admissions counselor, an instructor, a janitor, the builder, all help us achieve our goals even if they do not even come into contact with us.  A nurse has many serendipitous relationships.  Some patients we are thankful to meet by chance and others we would like to have never met.  The ones we would have liked to never meet are the ones who often impact us the most.  They teach us about patience, about impact, about a lifestyle we never want to head towards.  We change because of those who show us the least because we want to be the best we can be.

Organizational.  Relating to organization.  Organization is the key to my success.  There is no way I could become a nurse without my color-coded planner.  Thank you to a good friend named Patience (ironically you need patience to become organized), whose planner I happened to see one day highlighted different colors based on each of her classes, kids, and jobs, I am now OCD organized.  It helps me to build more experiences into my life than just being a nurse.  These additional experiences in turn help me to become a better nurse.  We must volunteer with other organizations so that we learn about the populations that need help.  When we encounter that population in the hospital, we are comfortable.  Therefore, we must be organized so that we can incorporate opportunity into our lives the four days a week that we are not at the hospital.   

Dedicated.  Devoted to a task or purpose.  We are all dedicated to something in our lives, whether it be our job, our family, or a hobby.  Dedication helps give meaning to our lives.  When we are devoted to a purpose we help others learn that purpose.  We spread the word.  Nurses are dedicated to helping patients and each other.  We devote 12 hours to complete strangers.  For 12 hours a day, 36 hours a week, we tolerate coworkers who may get on our every last nerve because we are devoted to one purpose, patients.  Our dedication may be to tasks, to preparing a patient for surgery or feeding the babies in the neonatal intensive care unit.  Our dedication may also be to our purpose, serve the patients who come in our doors for help when they are vulnerable.   

Honest.  Straightforwardness, fair, sincere.  Honesty is the key to success in the nursing field.  You must be honest when you make a mistake.  We are all human and it happens, but you better hope it doesn’t kill a patient.  Honesty is asking for help before you need serious help.  We all do not know the answers to everything, but when we are honest to each other about needing help, the safest patient care will be delivered.  We must also be honest to our patients.  If we do not know the answer, admit it and find it out.  There is always someone who knows the answer it may just take a little bit of time to find it out.  Sometimes you have to be honest with your patient because the doctor is beating around the bush.  The patients trust us, we are there with them for 12 straight hours.  They want to know the truth and when we are not honest with them, it will cause issues. 

NICU

Nerves.  Nerves are what sense the world around you and they pass that information along to your brain.  My nerves sense that little babies are fragile and that I am afraid of them.  Not all babies, but the ones in the NICU are there for a reason, they are sick.  I cannot just take an 18-ga needle, start an IV, and open up a bag of fluids to fix them. 

My first night, two hours into the shift, I felt hot.  My body was covered in sweat.  I was going to pass out and I needed to get out of the room STAT.  I set the baby down and went for the break room.  I woke up with my feet up, lying on a couch.  Ate lucky charms bar, drank some water, and went back to work.  Same feeling, hot, clammy, diaphoretic.  Sat down for a second time, drank some water, felt better.  Half hour later, running for the bathroom.  Now all the NICU nurses think I am crazy as I had not even been there for two hours and I am leaving due to passing out and getting sick. 

By the time I got home, I had body aches and a fever.  3 blankets and a heating blanket couldn’t even get me to warm up.  I went to the doctor in the morning, and the diagnosis: Influenza A.  He suggested I go to Oakwood and be admitted to OBS for 23 hours as I displayed many symptoms of H1N1 but why go there when I can keep fluids down.  I am a nurse; I can take care of myself at home and not catch more bugs than already in my system.  After 4 days I was ready to go back to the NICU.

So many emotions have flooded my head the past month being there.  I have baby fever; I will not lie about that.  But I am also scared to have children now.  This is what stinks about being a nurse before certain events in your life.  What if I decel and they cannot get the baby out in time and the end up on a ventilator?   Now they have pneumonia and cannot extubate.  Scary.  What if my husband cannot handle the crying and shakes the baby and they hemorrhage and become brain dead?  Worried.  What if something goes wrong with me during delivery and someone has to take care of my child alone?  Alone.  What if there are so many things wrong with the development of my baby and I do not have the ability to take care of them?  Strength.

Scared.  Worried.  Alone.  Strength. 

These are the characteristics of parents who have children in the NICU.  These are also the characteristics that make the nurses in the NICU great at what they do.  I give them so much credit but would never want to be a full-time NICU nurse.