New Beginnings

One of my friends told me that he was proud of me for taking my passion and going after it and achieving it.  I did not really think about it like that until he had pointed it out.  3 years ago, I began nursing school because I had a passion for being around sick children, thanks to Camp Quality and Payton Cram.  I never thought that 3 years later I would be getting ready to start working at a Children’s Hospital, let alone the job of my dreams. 

Scared.

I am scared.  I am going from a place where I was so comfortable with a majority of my co-workers and my patients to an unknown place.  Will my preceptor be as nice as Stella was and allow me to learn without making me feel uncomfortable?  Will I fit in with the nurses there?  Will the kids like me?  All these questions are going through my head and although I can answer them to the best of my ability, it still causes a bit of apprehension.  However, if there is a negative aspect to it, nursing is so diverse, we can move on. 

Excited.

I am excited.  I am going from a place where I was starting to feel out of place to a hospital where there are smiles and joy.  Working on the adult oncology unit, I was feeling more sadness than excitement the past few months.  I know kids are going to be sick and it will break my heart, but most of them are going to walk out of there smiling.  Next summer when I am in the ICU’s it may be different.  But for now, I am excited to have children wanting me to go to the playroom with them, color with them, and take care of them.  

Love.

I am loved.  I have all the support in the world from family and friends.  It means a lot when you are in such a demanding profession.  You have to rely on others in many aspects of your life. 

God. 

God is on my side no matter what.  I know that I left a great job to come to an even better one because God has a plan for me.  He knows what I am good at and he wants me to contribute to the worlds work in the community where I am placed.  

Do not be afraid, for I am with you <3

Overcoming Death

I had just taken my last walk out of Henry Ford and was smiling and happy because I knew my next adventure was bigger and better.  I was 3/4 of the way home and my mom texted me that my grandfather was taken by EMS to Oakwood Main (scary scary thought) as he was found on the front porch slumped over pretty out of it.   I told her I would go up there because he was just discharged less than 12 hours ago and something had to be wrong.  I wanted to talk to case workers and make sure he was not allowed to go home with anything less than 24 hour supervision.

After an hour went by while he was in triage, I began to get butterflies.  Normally, they would let a family member come back with a confused elderly patient.  They then moved us to our own private waiting room, put private do not enter signs on the door, and told us a nurse would be there soon to update us.  25 minutes went by and I found a clerk to go get a nurse.  I just wanted to know what was going on because the nurse in me knew something more serious was going on with the time it was taking.  I have learned over the past year that families need to know what is going on, even if you do not have answers, let them know you are working to find out.

I was not prepared for what was next.  "Virgil is sick.  He is intubated and we are headed to CT because his abdomen is swelling as we speak and we believe he is internally bleeding.  We have put a central line in and I will be back after I take him to CT."  I cried, and cried, and my uncle said, "Its not good is it Megan."  "Nope."  I knew what it was....either a AAA or a traumatic bleed of some sort.  The ER resident came in and explained that grandpa was very sick and they were doing all they could but we might want to get family there.  The nurse then came back and said he was back from CT, she just needed to hook him back up to the vent and she would be back for us.  An hour went by and I went to find someone.  It does not take an hour to hook someone up to a vent.

The doctor came out and explained what he thought went wrong.  He had no clue we were in the medical field and my sister and I looked at each other, rolled our eyes, and wanted to call him many names because his thought was obsurd.  Whatever, thanks for explaining, but say "I just don't know, don't say what you think."  I think that is was pisses me off the most about doctors, they never want to be wrong but are so afraid to admit they just don't know.  As a nurse, one patient told me that the thing they like most about me is if I don't know, I will find out.  Well duh....why beat around the bush.  Straight up tell someone you don't know but you will work to find out.

We finally got to see him, except for my sister.  He started coding and they shut the door.  He was rushed into surgery.  Two hours later the Dr. came out and started explaining what they did in the procedure and then said, "but he died."  Why get the families hopes up explaining everything that went on and then just end with, "but he died?"  Just give the bad news, don't try to be some sort of hero because to us at that moment, even though its not your fault, you are now the person we despise of the most given our circumstances.  All of the family began to cry and become emotional...but I, being a nurse and a very inquisitive person, started to ask questions.  He said that he did not know where the bleed came from but he was sure it wasn't a AAA.  How are you sure if you do not know?  Once again, we try to guess, but are afraid of just saying, "I do not know."

I could not comprehend death at this point.  This is what sucks about being in the medical field.  You begin to think, what if?  For a few days I do not think I realized he had passed away.  I of course tried to make jokes because thats what I do to lift the family up.  However, for my dad, losing his two parents 8 months apart, nothing really helped.

I went and got his medical records and am now at peace.  I found out why he died, and what killed him by reading back through a year of medical records.  Neglect.  Drs are so busy with the massive amount of patients they have that they often sign off on tests such as CT's and really do not do follow up.  He had a hematoma found last year in the same spot they found the bleed when he died.  It was recommended that followup be done until it was resolved since it was actively hemmorhaging and to stop blood thinners so that he would not bleed to death.  Well, thanks Dr. you overlooked that.

How many people are overlooked?  I urge you to get results of any test when you are hospitalized and ask questions.  Many doctors do not like me because I ask questions, but I am alive and so are my patients.  I do not regret not asking questions when my grandpa was in the hospital last December, but I trusted that the Drs knew what they were doing.  Now I doubt that and will always ask questions.

Be an advocate, your life is valuable.