Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gunna get

Life sure is testing my strength this week.  Everyone thinks that I am such a strong person, however they do not know that us strong people are quite the weak links at times.

I spent my whole drive home crying.  Crying because life is not fair.  Why are some of us so blessed and others are not?  Why do some get chance after chance and continue to mess up and others never get a second chance?

I sat next to a chaplain today at orientation.  However, it was not any chaplain.  It was the Henry Ford chaplain who helped me after L died.  He recognized me right away and thought I left HF because of L.  Kind of in a way I did.  But it was more than L.  It was L, M, and A.  Ironically, L's wife called today and asked me to come help her spread his ashes that he had mentioned to her he wanted me there.  He did not want any funeral or service, so I feel more than honored that he wanted his "granddaughter" there.  Numerous times he let me know that I was going to be his only granddaughter because his daughter was never going to have kids.  It still hurts 2 months later thinking of that day he told me goodbye.  I was sad from this point on.  I shouldn't be sad, I should be happy because death of someone means no pain, it means peace.

Seeing a camper go downhill in front of me….watching the doctors all congregated in the room trying to help.  That is going to be a huge task for me as I take care of these kids I know.  I have an emotional connection to them and I am going to have to put that aside

News of a camper facing a hurdle that could have possible been a huge hurdle and a game changer.  I thank God that he had different plans.

News of a camper becoming hospice stung like a bee.  We became close this year at camp as I spent every morning sitting with her while her companion went to breakfast.  We shared secrets, no worries I won't tell, and we built trust.  She asked me at camp if she was going to die since I was a nurse and nurses are supposed to know everything.  I told her the truth, "I did not know, but if you do I pray that you are at peace with your life you lived."  Never ever tell a patient they are not going to die.  You NEVER know.  Empty promises as a nurse are the worst mistake.

Then finally, news that one of my girls whom I have watched grow up in the fashion show has hours to live.  WHY?!?!  She is only 9.  She has lived 1/3 of the time I have.  Why can't that be me so she can drive a car, vote, or graduate from college?  Why am I so lucky?

I am lucky because God has a plan.  I shouldn't cry because others are unlucky.  I should celebrate life, and keep touching others lives.  I have already talked to two other camp directors.  This is the push I need to achieve something on my bucket list.  I want to attend all the camps in the US.  This year I will attend Arkansas in June, Ohio in July, and Michigan in August.  I will help more children.  I will give them comfort and help them live like children for a week.

Sometimes you need sadness to bring happiness.  You need bad to bring good.  Do something today to make someone else's life better.  Set a goal and achieve it.  When life hands you a box of chocolates, don't be picky…embrace it all and make do with what you got.