The past is so easy to remember, the future is so hard to welcome

As I left Henry Ford I was happy.  A month later I am feeling a mix of emotions:

I am sad.  I miss my friends, I miss the familiar.  As a float nurse I get to learn a lot more than I ever expected.  I will know about so many diseases in a year instead of only cancer.  However, this is harder than I thought.

Where is Darryl, Crystal, Gina, Ashley or Chelsea when I need them?  They aren't behind me, they aren't down the hall.  These other nurses do not know how to read me.  They do not know when I am really thinking, "Shit is going bad quick…and I need help."  They do not know when I am thinking, "What the hell is this doctor thinking?"

I miss Matt.  I hated him on that first day of practicum and wanted to quit nursing school, only being 3 weeks away from graduation.  By the end, I loved him as a teacher and appreciated him keeping me for 2 hours past my 12 hour shift to teach me in the break room about stuff I did not learn yet.  I learned so much from him and can give him all the credit for molding me into a good nurse.  Most of my habits were learned from him, and they help me with my time management and ability to anticipate.

I miss Stella.  I will always remember my first preceptor as a RN.  She was my big sister I never had.  

Now I have a new preceptor on each unit.  Some are great.  Others are not.  However, we are not all good teachers and we are not all great learners.  I cannot be bias to Stella and Matt because they were great because you do not come across rainbows and butterflies your whole life.

A baby is life's greatest treasure.  I love grabbing a baby at 2 am and cuddling them and and feeding them.  I didn't hate dealing with adults, but let me tell you, feeding a baby at 2 am is much more happier to me than getting manhandled and strangled by a confused patient.

I haven't had to put a patient in a body bag in over a month.  Thats the longest I have went in over a year.  100% of my patients get discharged pretty healthy.  As a younger nurse, this is imperative to my success.  Starting off around so much death was beginning to ruin my perspective and attitude.  It has now been rejuvenated.

I work with a team.  Day shift does not leave anything for night shift to do.  WHAT?!?!  Yes, I said it.  It is not night shifts job or day shifts job to do a certain intervention.  It is EVERYONES job to do EVERYTHING and every patient is YOUR patient.  Amazing that there is that culture.  We eat lunch as a family at 1 am in the lunch room.  Everyone gives an update on their life, and this is time for many to share things that we understand.  It has fostered so much confidence in trusting those around me.

I miss Henry Ford.  I miss the Interns, I miss the Residents, I miss my friends, I miss my confidence.

I will be successful at CHM, as time will pass.  I will make more new friends, I will understand these doctors, I will gain confidence.  

Do not forget the past, remember it has made you what you are today.