Colors

"It doesn't matter if your black or white," is the song I think of when writing about this post.

It was an emotional week for me...not many family members make me cry in a sad way but I had my heart tested this week.

I was working on the heme/onc floor and had a patient that I kind of remembered the name but was not completely sure if I had her before.  When I walked in I immediately knew that I had taken care of this patient before.  Two weeks previous, I was admitting this patient and explaining where things were on our floor and orienting them to the unit and the mother put her hand in front of my face and told me, "I could stop because they had been coming there for 17 years and I should know that."  I explained to her that I was just doing what we do when we have new patients on the floor and that I had just started 2 months previous and am not familiar with the frequent flyer patients.  She gave me a lot of attitude and I did not understand why.

Well this time was no different.  I had found out from the nurse before me that the sister was coming to stay the night and that she was at least 18 years old.  I informed the mother that she might want to meet her downstairs since it was after visiting hours, security would require a wristband to come through to the elevators and up to the floor and we did not want her to get in trouble when the mother was not there and have to come back down there to give permission for her daughter to be there overnight (we limit visitors overnight to parents or guardians).  She became very defensive and said, "Of course little white girl throwing her power around."  I did not know what to say and just walked out and started crying (I know, me cry, and not stand up for myself, what is happening)?  I went to the charge nurse and she said these issues happen every time a caucasian nurse takes care of them.  This is not fair and I believe more should be done about it because it makes us feel uncomfortable.

Also reminds me of the time on P2 when I came in at 3 because they were short staffed and my one patient had been tachycardic for hours at 160 as an adult.  A heart cannot sustain a heart rate that high for a prolonged period of time.  There were many people in the room and our policy called for only 2 visitors at a time and we had just had numerous meetings to enforce this policy.  I asked the family if two people could stay in the room and switch off with the rest in the waiting room (I knew this room was going to be full of medical personnel quickly because I was about to call rapid response).  The daughter became very defensive and said that the, "black nurse who took care of us earlier didn't say a word but you have to come in here all white and such and act like you know it all."   Again, I do not know it all, I was just trying to enforce a policy that we had been discussing on the floor for some time.  Being new as well, I wanted to follow the rules.  I worked on the patient who was in bad shape and we were worried about her.  Ended up putting an NG tube down and taking 5 liters out of her stomach.

It seems like family members do not realize all you do to save their loved ones lives.

The next night the daughter refused a sitter for her mother who was impulsive.  She ended up falling out of bed while the daughter was sleeping and when the doctors and I woke the daughter up (10 min of being in the room and she never woke up) she decided to get ready to swing and punch me because I suggested we get a sitter for the safety of her mother.  She refused me and again said that I was using my white power.

What makes anyone have the right to judge someone based on their color?  Just because I am a caucasian nurse in the heart of Detroit does not mean I do not give adequate care.  My mother had to remind me that many people enjoy the care I provide and to not let a sour grape ruin my night.  It was already ruined.  A few days later I am realizing, it is just some peoples personality to always be negative and always have attitude.  They have negativity in their life and know no other way.  Sometimes you just have to change assignments and move on with your night.