Memories of the past 3 nights at work

I just had to share a few of the memories that made me love what I do:

Scenario: We just had a patient admitted, they came up to us sitting in a bowel movement
RN: "When was your last bowel movement?"
Other RN's and CNA's: hysterically laughing as the patient just stares at RN

When surface conditions are slippery, wet, and unstable, walk wide stance, like a duck....

For good posture stand with your head tilted

RN tricking a CNA "When a patient expires, you must push on their stomach and get all the air out of them otherwise they will explode!"

Assess before you tell a doctor a patient expires...expired means no pulse, not appearing to have expired.

SALINE WARS=many many laughs

Sometimes nurses just don't have time for a break and have to pee their pants...so be it our patients do it all the time!

 After 3 attempts at a female foley...another RN looks at me and says "I suppose you are not friends with Ellen Degeneres"  Took me a min to understand it!

"You cannot be with someone like you, think about it, two crazy people on crack...too much energy!"

"Hold on a second, let me go get some more glue"

"I gave the patient CEF-A-PIIIIME"  "Isn't it CEF-A-PEME?!?! or is there a new drug?"

Scenario: report given at 1 am for pt being admitted for intractable nausea, vomiting, pain from another facility
"I gave the pt morphine for pain and zofran for nausea at 5 pm"
"well what was the assessment after that"
"they havent had any pain or nausea and have not vomited at all while in the ED since 5 pm"
"so, the admitting dx is intractable pain, nausea, and vomitting yet they have not had any since the intervention was performed"
"correct, do you not understand"
"(thinking, I give up trying to comprehend)"

Scenario: doctor (new intern) looks at nurse
dr-"well where is your guys call room to sleep in?"
rn-"sleep?!?  a nurse works a whole 12 hour shift taking care of patients, we cannot sleep or we get fired"
dr-"well how do you ever sleep then, if you work at night and you live during the day, it is impossible to never sleep"
rn-"you can live on your days off, and during your 12 hours of time between shifts"
dr-"oh, so in other words you dont get to sleep until you go home"
rn-"you are correct"
dr-"oh, so you guys really do work a lot then, I thought you could sleep at night when there was nothing going on"
rn-"well im sure you have figured it out by now since it is your second month that a hospital is open 24-7 and patients have different sleep cycles.  you sleep before you come in just like a day nurse does"
dr-"oh sounds interesting, im sure ill figure it all out by the time im done with residency"
rn-"I sure hope so"