Well, I realize I have not blogged in over a year. Reading back on what I started this blog for, so much has happened. I am going to get back into this whole blogging thing because it helps me get my feelings out.
After reading the previous posts, I've grown. Boy have I grown in my first year as an RN. Last year I was scared. Now, I am confident. I am nowhere near being an amazing nurse, or possessing a ton of nursing skills, but what I do on an every day basis I am confident in.
Home health care nursing lasted 6 months. I discharged my first patient and every time they called me to open a new patient it was either in a scary neighborhood of Detroit, or the patient had everything going on with them I just did not feel comfortable being away from a hospital where all I have to do is pull a code blue button. I learned a lot from home health care but I do not miss it. My skills were not getting any better because many of the patients just need vitals done and do not care about the education you provide.
Oncology nursing is my passion. Midnights is not my passion. I am struggling to work midnights. The sleep schedule is hard for me because I am always on the go. I do not know how people can sleep their whole day away. Even after working 12 hours I am good with 3 hours of sleep. I know it is daylight out and I think that is why I cannot sleep during the day. Plus I like action. Midnights can be hit or miss. Some nights I spend 6 hours where not one of my patients call lights go off, all my coworkers are good and do not need help, and I am trying to figure out what to do next. I see the ER full and wish that I was getting patient after patient so that 12 hours flys by.
My first patient death. I can remember it like it was yesterday and it has almost been a year. My first code, right at shift change, 8 minutes into my shift. It has been 4 months and I can remember it like it was yesterday as well. I was so thankful for the two doctors in my first code. We had a friendship so they actually answered all my questions (we all know I like to ask them) and helped me understand what was going on during the code. Fast forward, two days later and its my second code. Same doctors. Fast forward two weeks, 3rd code/rapid response, same two doctors. We are now good friends, we spent a lot of time together that month.
In oncology you see a lot of death. It's sad. But it also gives hope. It gives me hope for those who do not have family, I am their family. I am with them at the end. I can be the last person they talk to or see. A husband and wife taught me so much about love and how you need to support one another no matter what goes on in life. Another husband and wife taught me that family cannot tear love apart, no matter the religion, race, culture, we are all human.
One year later, I still believe that nursing is the best choice for me. I love what I do and I never want to stop.
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